Fuck 2008 right in the ass.
God dammit I will be so fucking glad when this god-forsaken year is finally over.
I can’t blame the sleepless lonely worthless year on anything but myself, in truth, but son of a BITCH I am gonna try.
I have some goddamn resolutions for 2009, as I sit here an hour away from the anointed year.
Get my shit in shape. Finances – I will not lose my house. Health – I will heal and become stronger and sleeker than ever before. Love – I will love myself.
That is the tallest order, I swear…
I’m proud that I did all the wonderful things I did this year. I have some great memories. Being on tour with The Drams for a few days – I can’t express how much I love them, without sounding absolutely retarded. Going to Richmond to see Wes and Jyl, Matt and Alison, and doing a short run following the Truckers – absolutely wonderful. Falling in and out of love – painful but informative. Becoming closer than ever to my sister and mom – there is nothing I’d take for that. Watching all the children, my nephews and nieces, be born/grow up, making me wonder if I missed something, making me want to make a better future for them. I’ve traversed the width and breadth of emotion this year, been flush and broke, torn and whole and torn again. I was strong and made some important and hard decisions. I was weak and let pleasure rule me.
Tonight I went out to see if anyone wanted to enjoy the last night of the year with me. Everyone I normally hang with was working or tied up with family. I drank a little and quickly realized that keeping up with the Joneses would kill me, so I called a cab. Cab broke down. 45 minutes later I get in another cab which pawns me off on a third cab. I get home after a frustrating hour and find myself locked out of the house. It’s cold.
My phone is dead, of course. I go to the sweet neighbors’ house and they let me use theirs. I called Matt. He’s been working hard, and they are busy – I sit in the cold for an hour waiting for him. He lets me in and goes back to work, leaving me with the animals and this god damned computer.
So here I am, 2009. My phone is blowing up with well wishes and love from all of my friends, all over the country. I’m exhausted and half drunk and not so sure what I’m supposed to do now. I’m sure I will wake up though, and it will be a new day. A new year. And maybe somewhere inside of it will be a purpose for me.
