Almost Tranquilized

I’m sure it’s just the weather or lack of sleep, but I am righteously depressed today.

I’ve been on such a high that I could spit on birds a-flyin’, due I reckon to my final acceptance of the fact that the only person who can change things is the one maneuvering my own eyeballs. Accept, change. Accept, change. See, this change thing isn’t so tough after all!I’m not even breathing hard. At all.

Today, though, everything seems impossible. I’m broke and I know the last thing I need is to go out drinkin’ in this state of mind, but the thought of going home to that lonely house and spending the evening with no one to talk to or cook for or hold on to is completely repugnant. Even the animals, who I love dearly, don’t comfort me when I am sorted like this. Only crying or company gets me through. Or drinking. The most obvious wonderous most impossiblest worst choice. I feel the pull very strongly right now. God help me say no.

Of course, I will pull right through this. I will. I am an optimist by nature and I bounce back like a Spalding. Tomorrow I’ll probably be all sunshine and calm again, the beast having been temporarily banished, ‘my pain almost killed’ as P puts it. I spend too much time in Logictown anyway, tryin’ to maintain that Zen-like state… this night shall be the release valve for all that pent up emotion.

However, if I am dead in the morning, please be sure and tell everyone how much I love them; for while I am lonely tonight, I have spent more than my share of happy hours with the people I love. And that right there makes me feel a little better.

Fuck, did I turn the goddamn thing into a Hallmark card again? Fuck.

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